Happy Presidents' Day, James A. Garfield

"No federal legislation prior to 1812 placed any restriction on the right of suffrage in consequence of
the color of the citizen. From 1789 to 1812 Congress passed ten separate laws establishing new Territories. In all these, freedom, and not color, was the basis of suffrage."

"All free governments are managed by the combined wisdom and folly of the people."

"I will not vote against the truths of the multiplication table."

"I am a poor hater."

James A. Garfield (1881) is known for all the wrong reasons: he only served as President for six months and fifteen days before he was assassinated by a wingnut from Cedarburg, Wisconsin. He was an absolutely brilliant man who stood for civil liberties and capitalistic progress. I read about him in Candice Millard's wonderful book "Destiny of the Republic: A Tale of Madness, Medicine and the Murder of a President." Almost every time James opened his mouth, a timeless quote fell out. I recommend Ms. Millard's book, but for an abridged version of the greatness of Mr. Garfield, check out his Wikiquote page. It's chock full of brilliance.

Happy Presidents' Day, James A Garfield. We could use you right about now.

Glorious Puempel's Olde Taven

Puempel's Olde Tavern is positively friggin' glorious. This is everything I could ever want in a pub. It has everything that suburban eateries, Las Vegas celebrity-owned restaurants and corporate-crafted themed joints cannot deliver: authenticity.

On my recent Labor Day weekend visit, I sipped my draught Hamm's beer ($2) while noshing on a Green County cheese sandwich. There's lots of cold cut sammie choices, but when I'm in Green County, Wisconsin, I always opt for a cheese sandwich. I chose a brick on rye adorned with spinach, raw onion and tomatoes. Served with a bag o' chips and a pickle spear, this pack of foodie delight costs only $4.50 and ...

STOP!!!

Did I just say "noshing"? Did I say "delight"? "Sammie"? "Foodie"?!

What the heck is wrong with me?!?! I didn't go to Puempel's for the food. I didn't go to Puempel's for the beer. I WENT TO PUEMPEL'S TO BE AT PUEMPEL'S!! And that's a good enough reason!!

It's no surprise that during my visit I'd be seated at the bar next to a Chicagoan. As the oompah band set up--two ladies and two men respectively playing a humstrum, accordion, accordion and banjo--the Chicagoan says to his buddy, "Can you believe how touristy this is?"

This is why we can't be friends sometimes, Chicago.

You're at Puempel's. They've been doing this continuously since 1893. I've been there on the a midweek

day--there's still seniors playing sheepshead in the corner, they're still sipping a light beer or a diet soda, they're still listening to a group at the end of the bar playing two accordions, a banjo and a humstrum. They still get their news from the newspaper curled up and mustard-stained at the end of the bar. They discuss the crypt-o-gram. They think today's was a tough one.

Did you ever think that it's only "touristy" because you dragged your butt out of the 'burbs to get a real taste of the midwest?

Sorry, Chicagoan, but that question frosted me. Can't you just sit back and enjoy the folks 30 years your senior singing their hearts out? Can't you just appreciate the 100-year old tapestries and murals on the wall? The cash register that still has a 5¢ key? The brass rail? The wood floors? The hundreds, if not thousands, of dollar bills stuck to the ceiling and wonder like everybody else "How do they get those things up there?" Or that fact that your Hamm's cost only two dollars?!

If you want touristy, go to Bubba Gump's. If you want authenticity, go to Puempel's. Hopefully you'll see me there. I'll be the one staring at the ceiling wondering, "How do they get those bills up there?"

PuempeI's. I love this place.

Garfield. The President No One Remembers, But Should

I'm probably the only person in the world who read "The Hunger Games" and "Destiny of the Republic: A Tale of Madness, Medicine, and the Murder of a President" back-to-back and I gotta say, sorry teens, "Destiny" was better.

The President in the title of the book is James A. Garfield--the US's 20th. Garfield was tragically shot by a lunatic--Charles J. Guiteau, a whack who even lived a number of years of his life in Grafton, Wisconsin--ending his Presidency after only a 4-month stint. And get this, Garfield didn't even RUN for President. He was just so damn extraordinary and such a skilled orator, that his peers (Republicans) chose him and then the public overwhelmingly elected him. Can you imagine THAT happening today? I can't.

Had Garfield been able to fulfill his visions, black Americans might have achieved the freedoms dreamed by Martin Luther King, Jr. ... 80 years before Mr. King even dreamt them! Garfield was a staunch abolitionist in his time and an ardent supporter of equal rights. If there was any good thing about his death, following the bitter Civil War with a nation still divided, Americans mourned as one at his passing.

Okay, I gushed enough about my new-found American hero; find out for yourself: I highly suggest you add to your reading list the sad, but very interesting tale of James A. Garfield authored by Candice Millard.

Rules for Teachers in 1872

These Rules for Teachers from 1872 gave me a chuckle. They are posted on a historic building at the Aztalan Museum.

1. Teachers each day will fill lamps, clean chimneys.
2. Each teacher will bring a bucket of water and a scuttle of coal for the days's session.
3. Make your pens carefully. You may whittle nibs to the individual taste of the pupils.
4. Men teachers may take one evening each week for courting purposes, or two evenings a week if they go to church regularly.
5. After ten hours in school, the teachers may spend the remaining time reading the Bible or other good books.
6. Women teachers who marry or engage in unseemly conduct will be dismissed.
7. Every teacher should lay aside from each day pay a goodly sum of his earnings for his benefit during his declining years so that he will not become a burden on society.
8. Any teacher who smokes, uses liquor in any form, frequents pool or public baths or gets shaved in a barber shop will give good reason to suspect his worth, intention, integrity, and honesty.
9. The teacher who performs his labor faithfully and without fault for five years will be given an increase of twenty-five cents per week in his pay, providing the Board of Education approves.

With the exception of Rule #3 -- I am a pretty good nib whittler! -- I don't think I would have made it as a teacher in 1872!